Picture this: you’re at a party, and you meet someone new. You shake hands, discuss how you know the host, and then you ask her what she does. “I write novels for teens,” she says.
Stop right there. Don’t open your mouth. This woman seems pretty cool, and you want her to like you, right? Then please allow me to save you from yourself. Do not, under ANY circumstances, utter one of the following sentences:
Are you going to be the next J. K. Rowling?
You probably think this is a compliment. And we writers may find it flattering for a second—hey, someone just implied we could be on par with the most famous author of the last two decades! But let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely that any of us is going to be the next J. K. Rowling. So unfortunately, all you’ve actually done is put us in the very awkward position of saying, “No, my books are not that popular, and they probably never will be.”
Oh, some day I’m going to write a book too, when I have the time.
If you really do want to write a book, that’s great. We don’t want you to fail. We’d probably be happy to help you find a critique group and talk to you about the publishing process—writers are a pretty friendly lot. The thing that bothers us is the implication that absolutely anyone could accomplish what we’ve worked so hard for, if only the day had a couple more hours in it. Writing a book is not like knitting a scarf. Writers don’t do it to kill time. We do it because we believe deeply in the power of stories and want to devote our lives to telling them. We would never tell a surgeon that we totally intend to transplant some kidneys one day, when we have the time.
How’s your book selling? or Do you actually make a living off of that?
In no other profession is it acceptable for someone to ask how much money you make. It is not acceptable to ask us, either. This isn’t 18th century England. Manners!
If I come to your launch party, do I have to buy the book?
I mean, no, technically you don’t have to. The Bookstore Police aren’t going to detain you if you don’t. But it’s a nice show of support to buy the book if you go to a launch. And if you don’t want someone’s book, why would you say that to her face? Just come to the party, congratulate the author, and slip away.
You should put THIS in your book!
Guys, observing the world is our job. Every single piece of information that passes through our brains goes through the filter of “does this belong in a book somewhere?” I guarantee that every time you tell us we should put something in a book, we’re either already planning to do so or we’ve decided it’s a bad idea.
Oh, have you read 50 Shades of Grey?
I cannot for the life of me figure out why, but this is the most common response I get, after “What’s your book called?” and “When is it coming out?” I can only figure that this is some people’s way of saying, “Oh, books! I know what those are. Here is an example of a book I’ve heard of!” But… really? That’s the only book that came to mind? You couldn’t ask if I’ve read War and Peace or Gone with the Wind or The Hunger Games? (And no, in case you’re wondering, I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey. I have no intention of reading it. Then again, I have no intention of reading War and Peace, either.)
So, do you also have a real job?
Someone once told me that her brother-in-law thought that when you decided to be a writer, you just sat down at a desk, the words flowed out effortlessly, and then you were done. He wanted to know where the “work” part came in. Guys, this is insane. Writing is ridiculously hard. Just because we work from home or a coffee shop doesn’t mean it’s easier. In fact, we often work evenings and weekends in addition to normal business hours. Our brains keep working overnight, and we wake up and scrawl down incomprehensible ideas that we can’t decipher in the morning. It doesn’t stop. Ever.
Is that you on the cover?
I’ve actually never gotten this one, since I don’t remotely resemble the girl on my cover. But I know people who get it all the time. In 99.99% of cases, no, that’s not us on the cover. We didn’t take the picture. We didn’t choose the picture. We probably had absolutely no say whatsoever in what picture got chosen. Hopefully, we like the picture, but that’s usually about as far as our involvement goes.
Do you think you’ll write a serious book someday? You know, for adults?
I don’t know a single children’s writer who hasn’t gotten this at least once. Teens are not less than adults, and the literature aimed at them isn’t inferior to other literature. Our books aren’t easier to conceive, write, or edit. They’re not less serious. Often, they don’t even address different issues—all books are about dealing with love and loss and relationships and figuring out your place in the world. Our books just have younger protagonists and slightly larger type, and they’re about $7 cheaper.
That means you can buy more of them, when you come to our launch parties.
Nice article. This is one reason why I like to work with a certain degree of anonymity. I hate to get questions like this.
Nailed it. I've gotten all of these. My Nana asked me if the guy on the cover of Dark Halo is my husband. I mean, COME ON!
Truth. 🙂
So true! Lately I've been getting this a lot: " Can you put me in your next book". Of course! My next book is about a serial killing she-devil with copious amounts of facial hair and I think you'd be just perfect for the role!
LOL I would never ask an author any of those questions. EXCEPT I did ask author Sarah J. Maas if that was her on the US cover of Throne of Glass – and I SWEAR I had a very good reason for this. I know authors don't have much say in covers but I saw a photo of SJM and then I saw the girl on the cover of ToG and I literally did a double take – they seriously look VERY similar.
Jaz, I met the model that's on the THRONE OF GLASS cover. She's super pretty (obvi) and nice!
Great article! People ask writers the dumbest questions.–"Would I know you?
What are you doing now? I've always wanted to write a book and make lots of money." What planet are these people living on? And they think we write fantasy.
I loved this! Very well said. I especially loved the last one. 😀
This is so great! I love the list…I've gotten every single one of these. One person even said to me, "No, you didn't write this book. That's not you" about the cover model!
Bwa-ha-ha! Yes, is that you on the cover, and when are you going to get serious and write for adults? *palm to forehead* My goodness, you can get the the most interesting questions. Usually they just ask me what my book's about, at which point I stumble through my mommy-brain memory, trying to decide which blurb to recite and coming up with a, "Uh, it's really good?" (Kidding. Just kidding.)
Understood. But what should we say to YA authors we meet?
LOVE this. SO true. Nailed it all.
Dale, here are some good things to say to YA authors:
"What genre do you write?"
"What's your book about?"
"What did you think of [insert actual YA book of your choice]?"
"How long have you been writing?"
"What are you working on right now?"
And best of all, "Do you have any good book recommendations?" We REALLY love to talk up books we like!
I absolutely LOVE this! Thanks for writing it!
This was great! And as everyone said above, spot on. Though I will say it is easy to forget that most people don't have the knowledge of the writing and publishing world that we do. People compare us to J.K., and Twilight, 50 Shade, etc, because unfortunately those are the only names and titles they know. Instead of getting mad, we can try broadening their horizons. "Oh, you liked (insert title or author name here) you should try…"
The questions may be annoying, but we need to remember to be thankful that anyone is taking that much of an interest in the first place. Do you think Bill the accountant gets anyone asking about his job? Questions come with the territory, embrace it.