In case you’re wondering where I’ve been for the past several weeks, this is what happens whenever I try to blog these days:
Me: *happily opens new blog window*
Me: *type type type*
RED: *stares harder*
Me: WHAT?? What do you want from me?
RED: I think you know what I want.
Me: You want revising, don’t you.
RED: I do. Fix me. FIX ME NOW.
Me: Look, I’ve been working on you every day. I’ve already worked on you for five hours today. I deserve to take a little break and write something else.
RED : *whining* But I’m not finished yet.
Me: I know, and I’ll come back soon. Just hang on, okay?
RED: *puppy eyes* Don’t you care about me at all?
Me: Of course I care about you. You’re very important to me. You know that.
RED: If you really cared, you’d be working on me right now.
Me : But I can’t think about you every second or I’ll go crazy.
RED: Yes you can. I am the most important thing.
Me: That’s true. And I’ll be with you shortly, I promise.
RED: Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Me : Oh my god, please stop doing that.
RED: Your deadline’s in fourteen days, you know.
Me: I know.
RED: Fourteen days isn’t very long.
Me: I know.
RED: If you waste even a little bit of your writing mojo on some other unimportant project, you won’t have enough left for me, and then I’m going to be terrible. Everyone’s going to hate me. They’ll write horrendous reviews of me, and they’ll laugh at you, and then you will FAIL AS A WRITER AND AS A HUMAN BEING.
Me: You’re so mean to me.
RED: I only speak the truth. REVISE ME, WOMAN. DO IT NOW.
Me: *meekly closes blog window* *revises*
See you in fourteen days, friends.