Not that I’m counting or anything, but RED hits shelves in SEVENTY DAYS.
(I sold this book in October of 2011, so the fact that it now makes sense to count down in days is BAFFLING to me.)
I know what you’re all thinking: “What am I going to do with myself for the next seventy days, until I can finally buy RED and imbue my life with meaning??” NEVER FEAR! I’ve compiled a list of suggestions for you. Assuming you don’t plan to stop to eat or sleep, you can:
1) Watch 2,344 consecutive, full-length episodes of television. This gives you time to watch every episode of West Wing, Buffy, Gilmore Girls, Vampire Diaries, and Mad Men four times.
2) Orbit the earth 1,120 times in the International Space Station.
3) Read about 84,000 pages of YA literature, if you read at the same rate I do (which is, admittedly, not that fast.) That’s about 240 books, assuming an average book length of 350 pages.
4) Listen to Wagner’s Ring Cycle from start to finish about 93 times.
5) Do level one of Jillian Michaels’s 30-Day Shred 3,600 times. (Good luck with that. I can barely do it one time.)
6) Ride the Staten Island Ferry 4,032 times.
7) Make 22,400 servings of Easy Mac.
8) Sing that “525,600 minutes” song from Rent 31,698 times, then get really confused by all the numbers.
9) Play 3,360 bouts of roller derby.
10) Apply makeup 1,680 times, if you’re like my grandmother. Apply makeup 33,600 times if you’re like me. (She took an hour every morning. I’m more of a slap-on-some-mascara-and-call-it-a-day kind of girl.)
11) Ride the Cyclone at Coney Island 50,400 times.
12) Listen to all seven Harry Potter audio books 14.5 times.
13) Fly direct from New York to Sydney, Australia 76 times.
14) Watch Titanic 519.6 times.
15) Take the SAT 420 times.
16) Perform the “Thriller” dance 25,200 times.
17) Circumnavigate 7/8 of the world, if you’re in a Jules Verne novel.
18) Complete 1,120 average sleep cycles.
19) Play 33,600 rounds of Scattergories or Boggle.
20) Roast 14,400 5-kg turduckens.
Some of these activities can, of course, be safely combined. Feel free to read those YA books on the Staten Island Ferry or to listen to the Ring Cycle on the way to Sydney and back. The turduckens may have a different cooking time if you choose to roast them while aboard the space station—always use a meat thermometer.
Have fun. I’ll be counting down the minutes with you.