A seventeen-syllable opera lesson

As you may remember from previous posts, I have a day job at the Metropolitan Opera. I’ve been a casual opera fan since I graduated from college and moved to New York, and I used to go two or three times a year. But now the most important part of my job is photographing all of the Met’s dress rehearsals. That means that in the last four years, I have seen nearly eighty different operas, some of them three or four times.

Lots of people tell me they’d like to try going to an opera, but they’re not sure which one to see. Fear not, hesitant opera-goers! To help you decide, I’ve made you a handy-dandy opera guide, written in haiku. This should save you hours and hours.

You’re welcome.

 

CARMEN, by Bizet

I love you! No, him!
No, just kidding, you again!
Ow, getting stabbed sucks.

 

MADAME BUTTERFLY, by Puccini

Never trust a guy
who knocks you up and says he’ll
come back for you soon.

 

DON GIOVANNI, by Mozart

After you’ve killed your
lover’s father, don’t invite
his ghost to dinner.

 

AIDA, by Verdi

I forget the plot,
but this one has horses, and
sometimes elephants.

 

THE MAGIC FLUTE, by Mozart

Queen of the Night sings
super high notes that we all
try to imitate.

 

TRISTAN AND ISOLDE, by Wagner

Man, I hate your guts.
Think I’ll have some love potion!
LET ME DIE FOR YOU.

 

LA BOHEME, by Puccini

Cold, starving artists
love and lose and reunite,
then die of TB.

 

FAUST, by Gunod

Hey, Mr. Devil!
You can have my soul if you
save the pretty girl.

 

TOSCA, by Puccini

When your lover’s fake
death turns into a real one,
jump off a tower.

 

RIGOLETTO, by Verdi

Good women will die
for you, even if they know
you’re cheating on them.

 

THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO, by Mozart

Dressing in drag makes
running around wildly much
more hilarious.

 

THE RING CYCLE, by Wagner

He who steals the ring
shall be cursed and die. Repeat
for eighteen more hours.