As you may remember from previous posts, I have a day job at the Metropolitan Opera. I’ve been a casual opera fan since I graduated from college and moved to New York, and I used to go two or three times a year. But now the most important part of my job is photographing all of the Met’s dress rehearsals. That means that in the last four years, I have seen nearly eighty different operas, some of them three or four times.
Lots of people tell me they’d like to try going to an opera, but they’re not sure which one to see. Fear not, hesitant opera-goers! To help you decide, I’ve made you a handy-dandy opera guide, written in haiku. This should save you hours and hours.
You’re welcome.
CARMEN, by Bizet
I love you! No, him!
No, just kidding, you again!
Ow, getting stabbed sucks.
MADAME BUTTERFLY, by Puccini
Never trust a guy
who knocks you up and says he’ll
come back for you soon.
DON GIOVANNI, by Mozart
After you’ve killed your
lover’s father, don’t invite
his ghost to dinner.
AIDA, by Verdi
I forget the plot,
but this one has horses, and
sometimes elephants.
THE MAGIC FLUTE, by Mozart
Queen of the Night sings
super high notes that we all
try to imitate.
TRISTAN AND ISOLDE, by Wagner
Man, I hate your guts.
Think I’ll have some love potion!
LET ME DIE FOR YOU.
LA BOHEME, by Puccini
Cold, starving artists
love and lose and reunite,
then die of TB.
FAUST, by Gunod
Hey, Mr. Devil!
You can have my soul if you
save the pretty girl.
TOSCA, by Puccini
When your lover’s fake
death turns into a real one,
jump off a tower.
RIGOLETTO, by Verdi
Good women will die
for you, even if they know
you’re cheating on them.
THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO, by Mozart
Dressing in drag makes
running around wildly much
more hilarious.
THE RING CYCLE, by Wagner
He who steals the ring
shall be cursed and die. Repeat
for eighteen more hours.
Ha ha! I love these! I think you may actually be a genius.
Very nice. The haikus of the operas I've seen are dead on.
Also, just to determine at what level of green my envy should be at I was wondering if you got to meet Diana Damrau (the best Queen of the Night ever) in the execution of your duties for Il Barbiere di Siviglia.
I have met her, briefly! She's very lovely… not diva-ish at all. 🙂
You know, the only opera I've ever seen is Die Valkerie–and your description is spot on. Love these! =)
Ah ha ha! This is awesome! <3