I was an angsty six-year-old

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I spent the last four days at my mom’s house in Chicago. The day I got there, my mom presented me with a binder in which she had collected some of the highlights of my childhood writing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you an anthology of works by Alison, ages 3-6.

I want to assure you all that I have improved since then.
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My farewell to the Metropolitan Opera

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met1Me with some severed heads. Like you do.Much to the dismay of everyone who likes my #overheardatwork tweets and bizarre opera stories, I have only four more days of work left at the Met. After that, there will be no more photographing neon boobs and severed heads. No more sneaking down to the props room to pet the sparkly blue Cadillac. No more watching Placido Domingo lip-sync, getting flashed by Anna Netrebko, or watching Bryn Terfel play Angry Birds while dressed as a Norse god.

Except for the time I fell through a piece of scenery and nearly died (<–not hyperbole), the Met has been a fabulous place to work, and I will miss it. As a tribute, I give you a collection of some of my favorite Met quotes. Enjoy, and cross your fingers that I find a suitably strange part-time job soon. [Read more…]

A brief introduction to my nutball neighbors

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I absolutely love my little Brooklyn neighborhood. It’s full of restaurants and brownstones and trees and places to buy delicious baked goods. However, it is is also full of crazy people. And since I live in an apartment building, many of them share walls with me.

Here, for your reading pleasure, is an introduction to my neighbors. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. [Read more…]

Jobs I’d be great at… if they existed

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As many of you have gathered from Facebook and Twitter, I gave notice at my day job this past week. My last day at the Met Opera will be May 24th, and then I’ll find something part-time so I actually have time to write that other book I’m supposed to be writing.

*happy sort-of-full-time writer dance*

I’ve been at the Met for four years now, and it’s incredibly strange to be back in Job Hunt Land. According to Craig’s List, I am qualified to do practically nothing, despite my Ivy League education and eight years in the work force. (I am qualified to sell my eggs, but $8,000 seems like kind of a rip-off considering you have to give yourself hormone shots in the stomach.) Nobody seems to have a use for my skill set. [Read more…]